Sad and Strong, Tense and Trying
by WinterSky101
Summary: After they get away from Trugg, Keith and Krolia talk. Tag for 5.05 (Bloodlines). MAJOR SPOILERS FOR SEASON 5.


**This takes place directly after 5.05 (Bloodlines), so if you haven't watched the episode yet, this contains MAJOR SPOILERS.**

 **Title comes from this quote from _The Careful Undressing of Love_ by Corey Ann Haydu: "I see my mother exactly as she is – sad and strong, tense and trying."**

* * *

"You're my-"

The last word sticks in Keith's throat. He can't say it. What if he's wrong? What if-

"I'm your mother," Krolia says, as if it's that simple.

Of course she is. Keith should have known when he first saw the image of her and thought she looked somehow familiar, he should have known when she took his knife and used it like it was an extension of her arm, he should have known when she said that she left him once and would never leave him again. He should have known when Kolivan (who must have known, who must have _lied_ ) told him not to let his emotions interfere with the mission, because they never did unless there was a reason, and Kolivan knew that as well as he did.

This, he thinks with some hysteria, is a pretty damn big reason.

"Keith?" Krolia asks. "Keith, are you-"

"You left," Keith says, his voice choked. His eyes are burning, but he will not cry. He _will not cry_. "You _left_. You- Why did you leave?"

His voice breaks on the last word. He's definitely going to cry.

Krolia reaches a hand out, then pulls it away at the last second. "Keith, you know I couldn't have stayed on Earth. I- I loved your father, but-"

"But what?"

"But I had a mission," Krolia says. "Crashing on Earth was an accident. Meeting your father was an accident. Having you was an accident. A happy accident, a wonderful accident, but I never meant it to happen."

"So you left?"

"No matter how much I love you, I couldn't put you and your father in front of the entire universe."

The words strike a chord in Keith's memory. He yelled at Pidge for wanting to do the exact same thing once. He still stands by what he said, but the words seem much harder to apply in this situation. Is it because it's personal? Is that why it hurts so much that his mo- That _Krolia_ did what she had to do?

"You could have brought me with you," he suggests, knowing it's not that easy even as the words leave his lips.

"You may have my Galra blood in your veins, but you don't look it," Krolia replies. "You were safer on Earth. You could blend. I knew your father would take care of you."

And all at once, the hurt turns to burning, raging fury.

"My father is _dead_ ," Keith spits. "I have been alone since I was _six years old_. Because you left me with nothing but a _knife_. I didn't have anything else-"

"Keith, think about it," Krolia urges. "Earthlings haven't even left their solar system yet. They couldn't handle evidence of aliens. If I had stayed, if people had known that you were part alien, they would have-"

" _At least I would have had a mom!_ " Keith yells.

The words echo in the silent ship. Krolia looks like he's slapped her. Keith feels like she's stabbed him in the heart with his own blade ( _her blade first,_ his mind reminds him) and twisted, so he figures this is fair.

He realizes he's still holding his blade and puts it back in the sheath, then he sits down in the pilot's seat. "We'll get to the Blades' base in a few vargas," he says, his voice stiff. "You can debrief with Kolivan there."

"Keith-"

Keith puts his mask back on, even though he normally flies without it, and pulls his hood up. Out of the corner of his eye, he can see Krolia step up next to him, apparently ignoring every sign he's giving off (very, _very_ clearly) that he doesn't want to talk.

"I'm sorry about your father," she says after a moment. "I thought the life cycles of Earthlings were longer than that. If I had known that he would die when you were young, I wouldn't have left you with him."

She's not saying she wouldn't left, Keith notes. Only that she would have come up with other arrangements. He almost says that the life cycles of Earthlings _are_ longer, that his father's death in a car accident couldn't have been predicted, but he can't quite bring himself to speak.

"I thought about you every day," Krolia says. "I thought you might find me someday. That's why I left you my knife, so that if you came to space, you could find me. And so if the Galra came to you, you'd have something to protect yourself with."

"Yeah," Keith says before he can help himself, "one knife against the entire Galra Empire. Sounds like great odds."

"That's why I went back to the Blade of Marmora," Krolia says. "It was the best way to keep you safe. I had to stop Zarkon so I could make the universe safe for you."

"And while you did that, I was alone," Keith snaps. He's furious with himself for engaging, but he can't keep his mouth shut. "Couldn't you have done _something_?"

"Maybe I could have done more," Krolia admits. "I've thought about it too. Maybe I could have come up with a way to communicate with you, or left you something more to remember me by. But I can't change the past, Keith. And I'm here _now_."

"Only because Kolivan sent me on this extraction mission," Keith retorts. "You could have found me before."

"I didn't know that you were here," Krolia replies. "Until a few vargas ago, I thought you were still safe on Earth. Kolivan didn't tell me you had joined the Blades. If I had known-"

"What?" Keith demands, spinning to face her. He doesn't turn off his mask. She doesn't deserve to see his face, not after everything. "You would have abandoned your mission? You didn't do that for me before, why would you do it now?"

"I told you, I won't leave you again," Krolia says.

"Yeah, well, prove it," Keith retorts, because no matter what she says, he knows that everyone leaves.

"I will," Krolia replies, and it sounds like a promise.


End file.
